EXCLUSIVE: Malacanang memo to anti-pork Pinoys

The President at work. Photo by Official Gazette
The President at work. Photo by Official Gazette

We have received a copy of an alleged Memorandum Order from the Office of the President addressed to anti-pork Pinoys.

This explains almost everything that has been happening in the pro-pork camp and what they have been saying.

Memorandum Order No. 69

From: Malacanang
To: All anti-pork Pinoys
Thru: Persons who are pro-PNoy, pro-pork, “non-partisan”, “silent majority”
Re: Your Obligations

Dear misinformed Pinoys:

Every time you plan an anti-pork mass action or organize an anti-pork coalition despite our repeated declaration that pork has been abolished by His Excellency, you are hereby ordered to first obtain permission for any or all of the following:

  1. All the speeches and their content
  2. The list of organizations and individuals attending
  3. Flags, banners, streamers and other paraphernalia
  4. The color of the the shirts people will wear
  5. A full body scan of all the leaders and participants
  6. Political track record for up to the past 50 years
  7. Any plan to raise a clenched fist
  8. Effigies, masks and other clever propaganda material to be displayed, paraded, worn or sold
  9. Swear words that would be used
  10. Any mention of His Excellency BS Aquino’s name
  11. Any plan to mention the words resign, oust or impeach

Special note: If you are a leftist or collaborate with them, you will have a harder time because that’s the way it is for Reds under this government. You have to justify your human and political existence. You must renounce armed struggle. You must denounce Joma Sison. Failure to do any or all these is tantamount to annoying us. That’s what you get for demanding land reform, especially in Hacienda Luisita. (We will ask these questions and make these demands on your every time you try to exercise your rights in the next 50 years – except when we get to be allies and march together in the streets.)

You are expressly prohibited from criticizing His Excellency, the President. He is God’s gift to our country, incorruptible and winner of the 2010 elections. He is the paragon of good governance. If you plan to mention him, you may do so only if you will praise him and his administration. If you decide to mention him and the DAP or insinuate that only a very few are benefiting from whatever rewards coming from having Asia’s fastest growing economy, then don’t be surprised if you are described as a destabilizer.

You absolutely have no right to call on His Excellency to be impeached, to resign or to be ousted. If you decide to make any noise that could be misinterpreted by us and our supporters to mean any of these three words, then you are a certified supporter of Vice President Jojo Binay.

You may only criticize Enrile, Jinggoy and others in a list we will give. You may not even mention the Liberal Party and its leaders and members.

Please submit all the required information to Malacanang or through our representatives in social media and print media.

If any of our loyal Pro-PNoy netizens, bloggers and trolls who we praise publicly are not satisfied with any or all your answers to this Memorandum, they are obligated to badger you with stupid, non-sensical, non-sequitur, red-baiting and totally crazy questions and demands.

His Excellency has designated Jim Paredes, Leah Navarro, and Akbayan leaders to perform monitoring duties pertaining to this Memorandum Order. The Inquirer and Star and other Yellow Media should act accordingly.

For immediate compliance.


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